


Somebody Once Swiped Me

by senshoo



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: M/M, Warning - Shrek, listen i am deathly serious, no one is a figure skater but somehow they all live nearby, not in yuris swamp, tinder au, vague college AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-02
Updated: 2017-08-02
Packaged: 2018-12-10 01:55:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11681577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/senshoo/pseuds/senshoo
Summary: Fortunately, Yuri Plisetsky had created a fake Facebook account years ago strictly to use when an app required access to his Facebook in order to register him.Unfortunately, Yuri Plisetsky had created a fake Facebook account years ago, and, as a joke, made it into a Shrek roleplay account.So, if one were to flash forward some odd eight years, they would see Yuri Plisetsky unconsciously switching to his Shrek Facebook account to register for Tinder when his regular account stated that he was a year too young to sign up.(Or, the one where Yuri forgets that he set his Tinder profile to literally be Shrek and Otabek refuses to believe he isn't being seduced by an ogre)





	Somebody Once Swiped Me

**Author's Note:**

> literally...I have nothing to say in my defense.

There were many things that Yuri Plisetsky thoroughly despised about being a seventeen year old college freshman. Even though there were only a few months separating himself and most of the ingrates in his incoming class, he was automatically thrust into the role of “baby of the group” in nearly every friend group he unwillingly belonged to. While all of his other classmates were legal adults, Yuri Plisetsky still had the ill-fitting position of “minor”. And mostly, what Yuri Plisetsky despised about being a seventeen year old college freshman, was that while the rest of his classmates were eagerly signing up for Tinder accounts, Yuri was still barred from entry.

Fortunately, Yuri Plisetsky had created a fake Facebook account years ago strictly to use when an app required access to his Facebook in order to register him.

Unfortunately, Yuri Plisetsky had created a fake Facebook account years ago, and, as a joke, made it into a Shrek roleplay account. 

So, if one were to flash forward some odd eight years, they would see Yuri Plisetsky unconsciously switching to his Shrek Facebook account to register for Tinder when his regular account stated that he was a year too young to sign up.

Really, Yuri wasn’t particularly interested in _actually_ manning a Tinder account. He had only installed the app on a whim because nearly every freshman in his class constantly talked about it and a twisted part of him got giddy at the thought of swiping left through all of the people on campus who irritated him. Which meant everyone. Or, well, _nearly_ everyone.  

When his Tinder profile automatically transferred all of his information from Facebook, Yuri shrugged and figured since he wasn’t _actually_ going to use the account of anything other than nefarious purposes, it didn’t really matter if for all intents and purposes, he was using Tinder in order to pretend to be Shrek.

He even told his asshole cousin, Victor, about it one night during the weekly dinners his aunt had arranged for them when Yuri had decided to move to the city for college.

 

\--

 

“Wait, so your Tinder profile information is literally Shrek?” Victor asked, face red with his attempts to stifle his hysterical giggles. “Yuri, is this some sort of identity crisis?” 

Victor’s boyfriend-or-fiance-who-the-fuck-knows, Yuuri, buried his head in his arms, shoulders shaking with laughter.

Yuri fought the smile from his face, refusing to appear anything close to happy in such close quarter with his idiot cousin. It was pretty fucking funny, though. “Listen, I don’t _actually_ think I’m Shrek, you idiot. I’m just doing it to fuck with people.”

A stray giggle escaped as Victor fought to maintain his composure. “And have you matched with anyone, or do you just swipe left every time?”

At this, Yuri couldn’t keep his face straight, anymore, lips wobbling in their attempt to remain neutral. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and quickly opened the app, fingers flying to get to his messages. “At first, I just swiped left every time, but now I swipe right sometimes just to see what people will say.”

 He hurried to pull up his most recent message, sent from a boy Yuri recognized from his intro philosophy class.

 

 **Peter:** I have to say I really love your work.

 **Peter:** _[eggplant emoji]_

 

Nice.

Yuri fought to keep his laughter at a minimum as he turned his phone for Victor and Yuuri to see. The two of them seemingly fell apart at the seams, leaning on each other as they laughed loudly and without restraint. 

Yuuri gathered up enough strength to pull his phone out, gasping out a quick “I have to tell Phichit _immediately_.”

And Yuri puffed out his chest, proud. It may have had a crush on Katsuki years ago, when he was still attached at the hip to Victor and too young to understand that just because Victor was dating Yuuri, did not mean that Yuri was dating him, too, but Yuri still reveled in being able to make him laugh.

Yuri smirked and turned his phone back to himself. “Anyway, it’s not serious, at all. I’m just fucking around.”

 

\--

 

And, well, Yuri had well and truly believed that. Up until he was swiping through Tinder one day and came across a profile that nearly made his drop his phone in a curious mixture of shock and arousal. Otabek Altin. _The_ Otabek Altin. The guy who Yuri had sat behind in general chemistry last semester. The guy who somehow simultaneously made Yuri unable to speak and speak too much, all at the same time. The guy who was literally perfect in every way.

Otabek.

(And in a very quiet part of Yuri’s mind, _Beka_.)

And there he was, nearly wrapped up with a bow on top. All for Yuri. Yuri had had such a massive crush on him that he had attended nearly every soccer game the older boy played it, even going so far as to lie to his roommate about being a huge soccer fan. Yuri didn’t give two shits about soccer. Yuri didn’t even _watch_ soccer. As far as Yuri was concerned, the soccer games were just Otabek viewing parties, the actual game so far removed from Yuri’s radar of things he gave a fuck about that he hardly even noticed there was a game, at all.

And before Yuri could even really stop himself, his shaky fingers were swiping right. 

And it was a match.

Of _course_ it was. They were _soulmates_ . They were _meant to be together_. Otabek must have been able to sense how utterly perfect they were for each other and demanded to match with Yuri. It was only natural.

He took a moment to gather himself, heart beating much too quickly in his chest to be healthy, and typed a quick message to him.

 

 **You:** We havent rly talked much but I go to all of ur soccer games.

 

He nodded to himself, satisfied that the message simultaneously conveyed his feelings without going overboard. He sat back, ready to sit there all day with his phone in hand until Otabek deigned him worthy of a response.

Fortunately, he didn’t have to wait for long because a few moments later, his phone was alerting him that he had a new message.

He quickly unlocked his phone and refreshed the app, opening his messages with baited breath. 

 

 **Otabek:** did u bring donkey

 

Yuri’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion, trying to remember if anyone he knew had such an odd nickname. His thoughts instantly turned to JJ, his annoying roommate, who Yuri had unwillingly allowed to sit next to him at a few of the soccer games. JJ was probably the most irritating person Yuri had ever come into contact with, so he thought calling him a donkey was pretty astute on Otabek’s part.

Hesitantly, face flushed shyly in a way Yuri both despised and reveled in, Yuri typed back a response.

 

 **You:** JJ just likes to follow me around sometimes

 

Nodding to himself, Yuri settled in to wait and was again rewarded a few moments later.

 

 **Otabek:** I don’t remember that character???

 

“Character”? What the fuck was that supposed to mean? Yuri supposed JJ was quite the character, but that was an odd way of phrasing it. And why the fuck were they talking about JJ when they could, instead, begin building the steamy romance Yuri knew they both deserved?

Unless.

“Oh, fuck.” Yuri moaned to himself, falling back against his pillows, burying his face in their soft mass in order to muffle the loud scream of frustration he let loose.

He was Shrek.

Well, he _wasn’t_ Shrek, but Tinder didn’t know that and Otabek didn’t, either. As far as Otabek was concerned, Yuri’s Tinder account was just some jackass on campus fucking with people. And until approximately twenty minutes ago, that had been true. But now that he had Otabek in a private message, Yuri couldn’t just _back out_. He would just have to come clean and hope that Otabek saw the humor in the whole situation. When they were both old (and married) they would laugh about the whole thing.

Groaning in frustration, Yuri typed out a response.

 

 **You:** listen u might find this hard to believe but im not shrek

 **You:** i sat behind u in gen chem

 **Otabek:** i think i would have noticed an ogre sitting behind me thnx

 **You:** IM NOT FUCKING SHREK

 

Yuri screamed in frustration, throwing his phone towards the end of his bed in order to give himself a few moments of peace. He had to salvage this situation, somehow. He and Otabek were going to fall in love and live happily ever fucking after and he wasn’t going to let anything stand in his way. Even Otabek.

Gathering his strength and patience, Yuri pulled his phone to his face, once more, jaw locked painfully in annoyance.

 

 **You:** listen, if we meet up u will see that i am not, in fact, an ogre

 **Otabek:** is it bc ur an onion

 **You:** no bc im a human u fucker

 

Okay, so maybe that was a little aggressive. He was slowly losing his grip on his ill contained anger, so he decided that he needed back up. He quickly opened his contacts and scrolled until he found Katsuki’s name, taking a few screenshots of his conversation with Otabek and adding them to his message.

 

 **You:** How do i fix this

_[image]_

_[image]_

_[image]_

 

A few minutes later, after what felt like a century of agonizing over how _unfair_ life was, Yuri’s phone vibrated to alert him that he had a new text message

 

 **Katsuki:** Literally u cant.

 

\--

 

Somewhere in a gym, Victor Nikiforov was on an elliptical, beads of sweat dripping delicately into the neckline of his well-worn t-shirt. He was busy listening to a podcast, hoping to distract himself from how quickly he was getting out of breath, when his phone pinged to alert him that he had a new message.

 

 **My darlingest dearest beautifulest boy:** ur not going to believe this shit

 **My darlingest dearest beautifulest boy:** is this ur otabek

 **My darlingest dearest beautifulest boy:** like the kid u go to spin class with?????

_[image]_

_[image]_

_[image]_

 

Victor scanned the images that Yuuri had attached and immediately burst into hysterical laughter, fighting to remain upright on the elliptical, eyes tearing up and mingling with the sweat that was still running down his face.

“This is literally the funniest thing I have seen all day.” Victor announced, out of breath. “Wow. Amazing.”

“What is it?” A voice asked beside him. Having forgotten that he was actually at the gym with somebody, Victor blinked and turned his attention to Otabek, who turned his elliptical off of interval mode in order to coast into a more steady pace.

Suddenly, Victor had an awful idea.

(Suddenly, Victor had an incredible idea.)

He turned to Otabek, all sunny smile and feigned innocence. “Hey, you go to school with my cousin, Yuri, right?” 

Otabek blinked in confusion, brain working to figure out who Victor was referring to. “Yuri…?”

“Ah,” Victor gasped, as though he had simply forgotten. “That’s right, you are a few years apart. Short? Blonde hair? Too angry for his own good?”

“Oh, yeah! Yuri!” Otabek nodded. “We took gen chem together. I see him at the games pretty frequently, he must really be a big soccer fan.”

Victor nodded. “Somebody once told me that he’s also a pretty big fan of Smash Mouth.”

Otabek blinked in confusion. “Oh...yeah? That’s...an odd choice…?”

In an attempt to seem casual, Victor opened up his texting app, sending a quick message to Yuuri.

 

 **You:** you’re going to kill me but its almost worth it.

 **My darlingest dearest beautifulest boy:** victor what did u do

 **My darlingest dearest beautifulest boy:** victor

 

Victor pretended to suddenly remember that he was still talking to Otabek. “Oh, yeah. And his favorite color is green.”

Otabek’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Green’s...good, I suppose?”

He quickly typed a quick summary of his plot to Yuuri and awaited the imminent praise.

 

 **My darlingest dearest beautifulest boy:** victor wtf

 **My darlingest dearest beautifulest boy:** victor u cant Do That

 **You:** listen,,,,,,,i get one up on that kid once every century, let me have this

 **You:** he’s been calling me Shitlord Victor since he was 12

 **My darlingest dearest beautifulest boy:** im going to tattle

 **My darlingest dearest beautifulest boy:** im giving u 24 hours. Plenty of time to skip town and change ur name

 

Victor grinned, not even worried that Yuri would murder him slowly in his sleep. It was still worth it. After all, Victor still wasn’t over the time, weeks ago, when Yuri had reset the password on Victor’s phone. It had taken him days to figure out what it was, after so many failed attempts locked his phone for several hours at a time.

“Hey, Otabek, did you know that Yuri really loves swamps. Like he _really_ loves swamps.”

 

\--

 

Exactly twenty four hours later, Yuri’s phone vibrated to alert him that he had a new text message. Grumpily, he unlocked his phone and nearly sighed in relief that it wasn’t from Otabek. He had sent a few more messages throughout the day, but the older boy still didn’t understand that Yuri’s Tinder account was a big fucking joke.

 

 **Katsuki:** i tried to protect u

_[image]_

_[image]_

_[image]_

 

Yuri blinked in confusion and started scanning the screenshots, eyes narrowing with every new piece of information that he took in. He threw his phone in anger and kicked around violently on his bed, biting into the soft down of his pillow to muffle his shriek of absolute fury.

“Victor, what the _fuck_?!”

He jumped down from his bed, eyes unseeing in his rage, and stomped around his room, kicking at the pillows that had been knocked to the floor and clenching and unclenching his fists at his side. He was going to murder Victor. In cold blood. Yuri wouldn’t even be sad that Katsuki was going to be left a widow. Yuri wouldn’t even cry at his funeral. He was a _dead man_.

And he needed to be dead _right now_.

Yuri furiously tugged on his sneakers, not even bothering to tie the laces, snatched his keys from where they hung on a command hook beside the door and threw his door open, determined to track down Victor, wherever he may be, and _put him down_.

However, he was stopped in his tracks by the figure standing on the other side.

( _Beka,_ his mind supplied quietly.)

“W-What are _you_ doing here?” Yuri asked, eyes wide and fists still clenched by his side in residual anger.

Otabek’s face was calm, as always, but there was a shy flush across his tanned skin that Yuri almost didn’t notice. His fist was still raised, as if to knock, and his perfect hair was perfectly arranged and his perfect jacket was really too hot for the weather, but still perfect. And _God,_ he was _perfect_.

And then Yuri’s eyes trailed to what he held in his other hand. A CD and...a national geographic book about swamps? What the fuck?

Otabek cleared his throat, cheeks still curiously flushed. Slowly, he lowered his hand. “So...I heard you like Smash Mouth.”

\---


End file.
